Special Needs Mom Life: Redefining Self Care

It has been a good many years since self care has been on my radar. I have been a mom now for 5+ years. And shit, that was really hard. Harder than any book ever told me it would be, and harder than society even begins to portray it.

My body, and my mind, went through some very questionable things in the last 5 years. I feel like moms reading this will understand what I am talking about.

The physical changes, yes can be jarring. But it is really the mental ones that take the toll. You become a person that you aren't familiar with. Your personality changes, your priorities change, your aspirations and goals rearrange. It 100% feels like you are constantly attending the funeral services of who you were before. Is she really dead?

She is.

Dead that is.

I need you to trust that superior things can come from 'death'. And a superior YOU will emerge. Not at first. Not quickly. Not in the trenches, when you really need her. Nope. It will be after you sat at rock bottom, having been through the most extreme phases of motherhood. The kind that alter your soul, and make you reimagine the future.

I now have come to realize....

This Loss of Identity, is Necessary.

We have to break it all down, to be able to rebuild ourselves into what our children need us to be.

Every single child is different, and their needs will vary. Imagine if women didn't lose their identity? How then could we optimize raising an entire unique human being?

If we didn't lose time, sleep, friends, hobbies, careers....we wouldn't be able to create space for enhanced intuition, hormone driven momentum, natural vigilance, or sharpened senses needed to bring a baby into the world, and keep them alive.

After all, the term used is "Mama BEAR", not Mama Ant, or Mama Mouse.

This is very much the part directed at special needs moms in particular. Many moms do figure out how to have and be it all. And many of us special needs moms kill ourselves attempting this same outcome. But to put it honestly, our journey just isn't so gracefully paved.

I want to Define 'Self Care' Specific to Special Needs Motherhood.

 Yes, yes this can be working out, drinking water, taking your vitamins. Sure. But in our special needs world, it is different than that, it's; finding glimmers of joy again, regaining a single hobby, having one room in the house designated to just you, turning off the monitor for one night, putting gates up so you can safely watch but with a barrier, taking a shower first instead of always last, taking five minutes for that makeup you haven't touched in weeks, cooking that meal for yourself even though your kids won't eat it, saying 'fuck the park today' we are going to nap (separately), deciding to cancel therapies for the day and instead phone a friend or (*gasp) make plans with her. It is setting an alarm on your phone to remember to do your skin care, or sadly brush your teeth (this is legit).

I Know this Doesn't Sound like 'Self Care': Let's be clear, we can also take care of our physical health, the appearance enhancements, the clinical appointments etc. But to put it bluntly, these things are not always on the table for us. It doesn't have to look like every one else's 'self care' okay. I mean, we operate unlike everyone else in just about everything we do anyways. Am I right? Yes, we all want to live one day longer than our disabled children, which makes health really important. But you would be shocked to read the research on what stress can do to the body, even with the best diet & exercise routine.

I was a woman, prior to motherhood, who used to never leave the house without makeup, and was a regular at the gym.

I Do Believe:

How you feel in your own skin, truly can affect the direction of your day.

It can sometimes be Necessary to Fake that Shit until you Make It.

Listen, some days in order for me to be productive, I want to feel like a real woman. This means I throw on some makeup, might curl my hair, and put on ANYTHING else other than sweatpants.

I may NOT hit the gym daily anymore, or at all. But I still Deserve to Feel Beautiful.

But BITCH, how the hell will I leave the house? Another appointment? An hour of uninterrupted time? The truth is you won't. Luckily in todays world we have DIY baby. (Do It Yourself....EYE ROLL at that term because don't we already do it all) I obviously can't add more time to your daily 24 hours, although I know how much that would help and I wish I could. But as a Licensed Esthetician, and previous lifestyle and beauty connoisseur, I have a couple tips and tricks up these snack stained sleeves.

Now listen, these are going to be for my mamas that are not fresh. You are no longer breastfeeding or bottle feeding, and you might be getting at least 5 hours of consecutive sleep at night. I wouldn't call us well rested, but we are out of pure survival and have moved onto to successfully or unsuccessfully braving the chaotic day.

These are honestly things I stopped doing for the last 4 years as I was raising newborn after newborn and then the WORST...newborn with a toddler. God Bless. And don't even get me started after toddler and toddler with fucking Autism.

I am 100% accepting of the fact that my self care went to shit for that time of motherhood. I am not mad at it, my babies got all the energy plus some that I used to give to myself. And damn it, it shows! They are thriving.

But there Comes a Time, in your Motherhood Journey where you Look in the Mirror...

And say its time. You will know when you are ready, and if I am honest I think moms of neurotypical kids might come to this moment much earlier than us. But here I am sitting five years and two autistic kids later, saying I am ready.

I will list for you in bullet form some of the DIY Self Care Tasks/Items I will be re-implementing & sharing:

*I am starting a series you can follow on my instagram, that will have videos and tutorials for all of these.

• Simple Skin Care Regime

• How to DIY Dermaplane

• Microneedle or Chemical Peel

• Fast Everyday Makeup

• Doing my Nails at Home

• How & Why I set Reminders

• My favorite Hair Products

• Tinting Eyebrows & Eyelashes

• My Color Coordinated Calendar

• Curling your Hair to Last 3 Days

• Nap Time Reads on my Kindle

• Gate them In, so You can Step Out

• The Claw Clip Comeback

• Stay Home Hobbies

• My Favorite Built in Bra Shirts

• The Best Leggings, Better than Sweatpants

I know that list probably sounds fucking overwhelming. Let me set the flexible expectation. This will be a slow ass process, and getting to do even one of those things a week, is going to be a great start for us.

For Special Needs Moms, DIY is Important because in Most Cases, it is our ONLY Option.

All you need is a Licensed Esthetician, former Makeup Artist, little sister of Hairstylists, and a Simple Esthetic Enthusiast to show you how to do it.

Here I am!

If you ask any of my friends, I am the go to gal for all things beauty. We all deserve to feel beautiful. Your beauty doesn't end forever when Motherhood starts, even though thats exactly how it feels.

I will say confidently, Special Needs Moms deserve it the most. I see you. I live there with you. You are pulling weight that others cannot even fathom. You are carrying extra lines on your face, extra tension in your body, bigger bags under your eyes, and more overwhelm in your brain that isn't always understood.

When you are ready Mom, I will be here. Sharing everything in my power to help you feel like the superior YOU.

Beauty does reemerge, even in the midst of Orbiting Autism.